Falling Woman / The Convenient Biographer / Train to the Afterlife

City scene outdoors, daytime. A woman is seen leaping from a skyscraper (reason unknown.) As I watch, a few seconds after the leap, the scene rewinds and starts again - I deduce at the time that this sight is so traumatic that I am already re-living it, but it seems to be happening in real time again. I am able to fly into the air in front of everyone to attempt a rescue. It's unclear if I'm successful - I do catch "something"; might be a ghost.

Another dream, my father tells me that his friend CW is working on a book about Tim Buckley's voice. He has copious notes and sheet music. Two songs are noted on a piece of paper: "I Never Asked To Be Your Mountain" and "Once I Was." CW has apparently also worked on a book about Charles Mingus. I find this all highly suspicious considering my connection, and my father plainly admits the subject choices were "convenient."

Another dream in which I've reorganized the living room furniture much more intelligently and conveniently, but it resembles more my parents' dining room instead of my apartment. I'm able to move the china cabinet by myself with ease, oddly.

There is another sequence in which I'm with family on some type of train, but the train is crossing over into the next life at some juncture and I have to prepare. Not afraid. Done it before, of course. Crossing over, everything remains relatively similar (in train), but psyche now has ability to alter environment in a subconscious way, for better or worse depending on automatic thought processes/mood.

The Airport

Much is, as usual, forgotten now but here's the end: Leaving some hotel, in Connecticut possibly; some type of elevator scene. Avoiding some people or capture. Late arrival at airport (although cross sound ferry is also implied), racing with others to catch flights. Over the PA I hear a relevant reference to a flight to "Lake Ronkonkoma." Since the terminal is pretty empty of employees and anyone else, I show my ticket to a helpful woman who is also travelling with us. She tells me, much to my chagrin, that my ticket isn't even a ticket yet, but she knows how to fill it out to make it look real. She does this, signing this and crossing out that - she knows her stuff. As she is illegally doing this, I make known my concern as airport personnel start to hover around. The ticket becomes attached to a bunch of papers with personal writing and pictures on them, and sketches; nothing incriminating relating to the airport ticket forgery, but I'm suspect. An older female 'employee' pulls a sketch right out of my pocket and I protest this boundary invasion. There is a discussion with the crowd around if that act was justifiable; consensus is yes.

Heading outside to plane, it becomes a different scene involving vans, but I join a group sitting in the sunlight at a table. I knock my cap off my head. There is a vaguely Superman motif to my clothing, others may be wearing costumes also. I'm thirsty. I have a bag in which I search for a beverage. I find some grapes, eat one or two and they are tasty and momentarily refreshing.

Dream in D Minor

Not of great interest: a scene in which I'm with musicians, playing bass, being taught this repetitive riff. It is in D minor, pentatonic based, a short motif that goes through minor variations. I hear it over and over and play along, but then decide to play long chords underneath the riff instead, first Bb, then C, etc. Someone is transcribing this and writes the chords as "Bb5" etc. I remember all the music on waking, but it is terribly boring.

There is another exciting sequence in a car, where I find someone who normally does not smoke, smoking a cigarette.

Time Travel

Strange-feeling dream. Time travel. At first I'm able to revisit an overview of years from ten years ago and literally leap from year to year like visual steps, 1993, 1994, etc, or like I'm overhead watching my old self leap/go through in sped-up time. I see my past self do something that I don't expect and haven't remembered correctly since; at some point I take a leap in an unexpected direction. I then feel better knowing now. The sequence of years is depressingly viewed as a series of plateaus to drop onto from above, each lower than the next.

Flash forward to sometime 1995-1996 and I'm in the action instead of watching. Supposed to be Boston, looks nothing like it. There is some route to get somewhere (school?) that is very long and complex that I realize CJ and I used to take, not noticing there was a nearby bridge that would have shortened the journey safely. We are there but vaguely aware we are visiting the past. CJ and I meet up (I figure he will be surprised I made it) at an old ferry that we need to take. I'm surprised there is no crowd and the ticket booth is in a strange place, but I think it must be the hour. Maybe we have to wait before leaving so we step outside into a semi-rowdy nighttime gang/smuggler meeting. CJ (possibly someone else now) starts telling a tall tale/cover story to some people and I back him up, until he goes too far and is caught in a lie. We try to cover for it. I'm questioned, I write off any further detailed questions by saying I've been out of the business for sometime.

The most intense part of the dream follows. Is too personal to fully detail here. I'm able to time-travel, back to my own body, 5 months before certain life changes in the not distant past. Very strange to be back in "reality" instead of imagination. Trying to do things differently, and be more aware. Meeting near train station. In some type of dorm room. Another female knocks on the door, asking someone how some movie/show was, but I'm not dressed. TV is on. I sit down again with the person I've come back to talk to. I say that I've had a terrible vision of the next 5 months and I explain it vaguely. Somehow I've travelled back able to pinpoint the exact moment of change, it has something to do with a dance show on TV, so I say to watch, because it's coming up. Artistic show, but at key point it changes to something I don't expect (even though I am supposedly re-living the past.) I mention Whitney Museum of Art may have sponsored the dance, and say the specifics may not be important, but the moment is. I continue with my fantastic story. She's crying. I start to say something I didn't expect to say, but that makes total sense in the context, but it's scary, and this strange shivering feeling washes over the dream, almost visually, before I get to finish saying it.

Pisces Cafe, Beforehand

Pisces Cafe gig, similar look and feel but venue is more than twice its real size - large performing space. Maryann is there already, she's set up the microphones and stands, but the stands are oversized; they jut out at a right angle for about twelve feet - distance - I make adjustments. Excited to play, people shuffling in - Tom P? Much more is now forgotten.

Heavenly Euphoria and Return

The beginning is regrettably forgotten: Eventually driving a car, and somehow I physically die, quickly approaching a cloudy area that is "heaven". I see it coming and let it hit me. Entering the cloud, the car is gone and there is only disembodied consciousness. There is an INCREDIBLE feeling inside me upon entering (soaring up into) what I believe to be "heaven." Visually there is not much to speak of, but the feeling inside is this intense enveloping euphoria bordering - just magically and happily teetering on - the brink of insane unbearability. I can't go on enough about this feeling. Utter intoxicating ecstacy. However, at this point in the experience I was starting to think it isn't "my right time" and that I should attempt to go back to Earth. The feeling of trying to go back feels similar to trying to wake up. I'm trying to move my body again. Eventually I'm successful and I seem to wake up in my bed, but in reality I was still in a deep sleep. There was a sense of regret leaving that other state, but there is a thought that comes from somewhere to me on returning, "I'll get there sometime."

Return to HS

In some sort of hotel event area, possibly for some type of reunion. Lots of people sitting around me having fun. I am very excited to see CD - place arm around him. DA shows up with similar looking partner (resembles him.) CD mocks. Instruments come out. Eventually in side hall outside high school band room. Looking for PB - is not seen in dream. I go into band room to watch the young kids rehearse. In the side room, there is a group of kids playing snare drums in a drum corp rehearsal. In order to get up past the main band podium, I have to undo some type of small fence and then re-attach it.

I'm lead into another side room by a young African-American girl (possibly D.) She can dance (hip-hop/MJ style) and wants to show me. I'm into it; bust some moves. Some people (construction types possibly) emerge from other room and we have to return to main room. D is upset. I wonder how this looks i.e. my fault.

At first a female teacher is leading the band, but soon it is an unidentified male. He makes bitter asides and comments in between music passages. He refers to a period in the 90's when nothing musical could be done without the approval of police - generally "the man is keeping him down" kind of stuff. No one else seems to care but I give him affirming nods in support.

Later, I'm in the back of a school bus. AH is there, talking about at first his divorce, and then later someone else's, and his advice on the matter. He refers to some type of coffeehouse or confectionary, pronounced like Choco-lomo or something.

Even later, a band gig with SBK. Singer not quite Aly. Argument with her. Apparently, the owners are mad because earlier I was concerned that there was a problem with the money (i.e. our fee.) Mid-set, I re-assert concerned position, saying I'm happy to leave right now if we're not getting paid. I'm wrapping up cables, eager to leave.

Another night: dream in which email arrives that JD wants me to meet her on 11/1 at midnight. At first, I'm excited; then near-waking, relieved it was a dream after processing some new information.

Stupidity Tries

Probably the most depressing dream I've ever had, both content-wise and feeling-wise (these two are not always congruent in my dreams.)

At the end it's twilight and in my parents' driveway, people are loading up a car for a long trip. I say something very strange and make an hysterical joke of it, and this signals to others that I am off balance and beyond help. My parents are in the front seat (not sure who is in back) and the car is idling waiting to leave. I am trying to catch their attention so I can wave goodbye and show that I'm ok. I don't get their attention; they are either ignoring me, have forgotten about me, or assume that I've left.

I walk up to the front door, and the mailbox is somehow also a CD player. I shut off the music it was playing crystal clear: Elliott Smith's song "Stupidity Tries." In the mailbox there is a magazine with me on the cover with a reference to something I've been thinking about doing. I'm shocked because I don't know how they found out before I got to do it. Someone gets out of the car for a minute for some reason, possibly my mother, and I hope they see me but they do not and the car pulls away.

Hanging with Superman

Nighttime, outside near corner of M. Drive, Superman (played by Chris Reeve) has offered to take me flying. Very excited. It's a wondrous experience and while we go fast we don't go too far above the ground, strangely - at one point a truck is coming towards us and I wonder if we will clear it. The whole time it seems I have the 12-string strapped around me, and during the flight at one point I have to adjust it more comfortably, letting go of Superman for a second. Surprisingly this works out ok. At certain points I realize how strange this all must look to others seeing it. We are landing and some guy asks Superman how he feels about his favorite McDonald's meal. Surprisingly Supe is positive. The man begins talking about his favorite when he spots the one Superman liked on a drive-thru menu.

Later, Superman is sad after being asked about what it is like to travel at super-speeds (i.e. turning back time speed) I'm surprised to hear it is not at all physically comfortable to him - analogous to motion sickness perhaps.

The Rescue / Another Show

First thing remembered is rescuing a girl (changing identity, SK?) from a house in Commack from some angry big man (possibly JR with long hair.) Running into house next door, part neighbor's house/part dorm. Looking around, realizing that this is the girl's room, she's collecting her most important stuff, so I realize that angry man will probably look here first; have to escape - but too late. Man/JR is running into house. Doesn't know I'm involved yet, I duck down behind bed and, hardly believing myself, stick foot out at last second to trip man up. Somehow, even though I'm not sure I make contact, it works. He falls, I pick up mattress and throw it on top of him. Looking for weapons, nothing good, but I'm considering using some harmless stuff around, out of panic. Instead, I run out of room. JR has an accomplice, random guy, doesn't seem to want to hurt anyone or do much - he lets me run past, down stairs.

Running across lawn outside, see JR, and accomplice finally takes off after me. I feel like I am running hard, but he is closing in just walking briskly - my confidence is shaken. Somehow we strike up a conversation. He's been working on some rap lyrics and he busts a few. I recognize them as some of CD's old lyrics, so I'm able to join in, much to his pleasant surprise. I'm not sure at this point who ripped off who, but it's making me a friend so I don't care. We talk about his writing and his plans. I'm looking for my car in the street, still to escape, but realize we've walked in the wrong direction, so I have to pass by house again (JR still out front) hoping to be ignored, and am, successfully.

Later sequence, start of some show (HS and LI figures, figure.) This sequence, I now remember, starts when accomplice (from previous part) and I reach a building, and I've got my Roland JC-120 amp, and he is moving it and he accidentally breaks off the fuse, and I'm upset. He's sorry, but I make him realize how bad this is before a gig - impossible to fix. This is all used as further ammunition to save me from his original plan to capture me and bring me back to JR - works.

Soon I'm putting a smaller brown amp together with other performers' stuff - VB is also performing, he wants me to move the amp so he can get at his stuff, and we chat. He says "You won't believe who I got for Mr. L" I realize, when he continues "$100", he means he's got Mr. L to accompany him for the show, cheaply. I've got bubble gum in my mouth and can't answer him, chewing waiting to clear...jokingly talk through bubble gum - gobbledygook. I try to pull pink gum out of mouth but some remains in mouth still, stretching, attached like pizza strands. On waking, I realize the feeling I was feeling in the dream was a very dry throat in reality.

Lesson with Belew

Had a guitar lesson with Adrian Belew. Unfortunately I forgot my guitar, but told him I wanted him to tell me about his songwriting process cause I also write songs, and I complimented his lyrics and melodies (i.e. "One Time.") He seemed pleased. I remembered the Hamer guitar was in my trunk so I went out to get it at some point. By the time I got back, the teacher was someone else, but now I've forgotten who it was.

The Revenge of Miles Davis

Long dream involving PF, eventually on my parents' lawn. Miles Davis is there - PF makes an insulting reference to James Brown in front of Miles, and Miles is furious. There is seen an old black & white photo of James Brown, and Miles (early 1960's era) is shown in the crowd trying to get close to him, like a real fanatic.

Miles calls PF out, takes off shirt and is ready to throw it down in the street. PF makes excuses ("You're four feet tall...") but eventually gets into it. I just watch, not feeling any responsibility. Miles is dangerously built, though somewhat strangely, and swinging like the boxer he was. PF is backing up away from his swings. Soon some kind of farm combine is used by PF for attack, and tractors and cars start to enter the picture. Later, Miles is in the back seat of a car driven by friends and they are tearing up my parents' lawn and the neighbors' where the fight took place. I go by the parked car window and plead, saying it's not my parents' fault. Miles is eventually a white female in the backseat, I think. Eventually my parents get home; I forget the rest.

The Attacker, the Policeman, and the Conscious Dream Communication

Sequence where I am walking at night; parents nearby with car. Someone starts walking with me, seems to think I'm someone else - someone he wants to kill. We are walking briskly as he threatens; seems deadly. At some point, somehow, he actually kicks me in the head while walking. There is no desire to fight him (or hope of winning.) Hope to draw him away from my parents. He fears being caught, eventually fleeing past an old policeman into a subway station. The old man pretty much lets him run by. I am very angry at this; cop makes belligerent excuses. I'm walking by and mutter vulgar insults about police department. My father arrives, oddly in full police uniform, but he is also upset. He chalks it up to the idea that "men join the force all eager to be policemen but then they stock up the higher ranks with liberals" i.e. this old man who let criminal go.

At an earlier point, massive fight with my father at parents' house - I am told to move out. It takes me a moment to remember I don't live there any more anyway, and I feel better after loudly reminding everyone of this.

There is another sequence where I am suddenly completely aware I'm dreaming. Everything feels very real - matter seems to have real substance. I'm on a dark top floor of an old city building. I open the window - the handle feels quite real strangely, and resembles school classroom window. It is dreary outside. I shout something (I forget what) out the window to announce my dream-awareness and I note it comes out slightly garbled - implying it is difficult to make conscious acts in the dream world. I am quickly thinking of what dreams I wish to have, since I am now in control, mind turns to certain people and dream ends.

Abandoned France Trip / The Defeatery Eatery

Possibly at parents' house about to embark on family trip to France. Print-out plane tickets resemble movie tickets. Last minute, I've decided not to go.

Previous night, dream Maryann has slept over at my parents' house; holds cat in downstairs hallway in strange manner. Later, vaguely humorous phrase "Defeatery Eatery" comes into play, possibly as bizarre song lyric, or joke name for some sort of (depressing) indie coffeehouse.

Strange Markings / Jeff Buckley & Elliott Smith

At some point, my mother has strange markings on both of her arms from an injury.

Towards the end of the dream, I'm actually hanging out in a basement with Jeff Buckley and Elliott Smith. (Do I listen to their music too much?) I'm extremely excited, and say it out loud, and we are all strapping on electric guitars to jam.

McQuade

Only the end is remembered, in a hallway, cross between office building and school, PM is walking down all towards me. I hope to explain myself, but he is surprised and holding back a great deal of anger. He glowers, doesn't say a word, exits hall.

Sister's Vacation / Half-Dreaming / Dream Communication

Only end of dream remembered. Parents wondering where sister wants to go on vacation. They are hoping the answer is simply my parents' house. Sister has other ideas; San Diego, Chicago. I wonder out loud why they would go to Chicago. In one part of the dream, my sister's family unit and members are represented by a simple symbol on a page, somewhere between a graph-like picture and ancient hieroglyphics.

Harder to differentiate dreams from reality recently. Very vivid dreams that seem to blur into real life or vice versa. I was walking into the front door of my apartment building and there was a girl there on the phone holding the door open. I'm not sure when this happened or if it was a dream or reality. Another time, recently, while in bed, I thought there were spider webs at the end of the bed, so I stuffed the covers there between the foot of the bed and the dresser and went back to sleep. When I awoke the covers were still stuffed there, but I doubt there were ever any webs. In a half-sleep state I may have imagined the webs and physically pushed the cover down.

Last night, while in bed in that state between waking and sleeping, half-dreaming, I felt I was able to tap into a network of telepathy between people. A sort of invisible multiple party line. I curiously sought out certain friend's mental doors in the void. I got a lot of wrong numbers instead; a lot of other strangers out there clogging the network with requests for responses. I would not say I literally heard voices, as the experience let me fully realize what a sixth sense might actually mean and feel like - it's something, by definition, you can't describe using the other senses i.e. hearing. A sense of something that just happens and you react to it immediately, as if with the sense of touch, someone tapped you on the shoulder. Something you just instantly know like other sense experiences i.e. without any conscious thought process.

Happy Song of the Giant Spider / The Siege

This follows a recent dream where I was chased relentlessly by a swarm of bees.

And another recent dream where I am chased through my parents' house by a large monster that is eventually a giant spider. In the upstairs back bathroom, the window leads unto the deck; I'm slicing at monster appendages thrusting through the door. I climb out window to deck, fly down steps, race towards side back fence. Glancing back to see if Giant Spider has caught the trail - not just yet; I'm thinking Giant Spider won't go outdoors, esp. in broad daylight. Over fence. Eventually see that Giant Spider not only has indeed come out in broad daylight to chase me, but is so comfortably pleased with the situation that it is singing a happy little song to itself, about how much it enjoys running in backyards. The song's lyrics refers to its vocalist as a "junkyard dog" at some point.

Last night's dream, in some building, held captive, some people are going through killing everyone. I'm able to hide in a room with a weapon (fireplace poker.) Woman comes in, we struggle, she is surprised I can fend her off. Wedging her skull sideways between poker and wall; someone is coming. I don't want to hurt her, until I realize if I don't, I'm going to die. Slight crushing of her skull then I exit via other door. Look out second floor window, similar to parents' house but different; judge to see if I could slide down roof. Eventually make way to back bathroom (as in Spider dream) and get out that same way again. My father is running towards me from back fence. He is also trying to stop me, but he also describes some food and drink that is placed somewhere in the back, that I could in theory grab some of while running, but he is unable to show me the exact spot. We are on the verge of making a deal to "break" for dinner but I am highly skeptical of this idea at this point in time.

WTC / Cell Phone Anomalies / Subterranean Dwellers

A very long bizarre sequence that had a different energy than usual; more "real." Walking down a city street with a group of people (family/friends.) Someone has some strange powder...I ingest some. I experience an unreal feeling yet am still present. I remark how now "all I can hear are the people talking on the top of the World Trade Center. " Although in the dream, the buildings are still standing, and the people up there are just conversing, I realize this remark may be somewhat disturbing, so I quickly change it to refer to the Empire State Building. Regardless, the idea is that somehow my perceptions are heightened, so that I can hear over great distance.

We enter some other previously unknown area/dimension of Earth, underground settlements of relatively hi-tech construction (i.e. steel) populated by humanoid creatures who all look identical. It is hard to describe them except to say their upper halves are fleshy yet distended/distorted, but each is identically shaped to the others. They move around more like unthinking antibodies in a system than intelligent individual people. At some point my father is taken into another area for questioning or something. On a bus, I have my cell phone; try to get help. Somehow my cousin's number is already speed dialed, so I figure that might do, but putting the phone to my ear, I hear every conversation he and I ever had on that phone, going on all at once. So it is not of any help, though it is momentarily fascinating.

Generally, there is a real sense of passing into another world from which there is no returning. Later, there is another reference to "a top of a building", which I note at the time as both odd and portentous.

Moviehouse Fireball / Guitar Repair Desk / The Hit

Long, earliest part forgotten, though at some point later during the dream, I recounted the whole earlier part in my head.

In a theater with parents and sister, possibly others. Huge fireball, raging fire on other side of theater in small, windowed room adjacent. Immediately we get up to flee out other side exit. We escape, I'm checking my pockets to find that somehow I've lost my wallet and my phone. In car, I'm upset about this, but then later I check pockets again to find that they are back.

In some sort of bustling office building lobby, there's a triangular counter that people line up and clamor around. I have the Hamer guitar with me - was supposedly repaired there, but there is still a buzzing problem so I've brought it back. When I finally get up to an older lady working, I explain the problem, showing the paper I needed to wedge under the G string (I notice nothing under the high E - this all is from reality, gigs last weekend, but different guitar.) She agrees and I hand over the guitar, she says it will be ready...and I jump in "today?" but she's saying "tomorrow." I'm non-plussed, then she says they'll charge me again ($80?) and I'm outraged. Yelling aloud and such, "ridiculous." But doesn't help. A strange hippie type, blond haired security guard kid comes to stand near me. I picture the head of the company (SK?) and consider calling him, but don't have the number, consider calling KK to get it.

Eventually the room clears a bit, generally the story and place changes. There's a message for me that someone wants to see me downstairs. I begin to descend the large, high, open circular staircase cautiously - bad feeling about this. I see some characters from the past. I reach the bottom. Some people see me and signal to someone sitting out of view - bad feeling about this, feel like I'm getting marked. Eventually it's EH and RG that approach me, but I'm backing up the stairs to top. EH looks severely beaten, prison-style, but ironically remarks that I "look good". Possibly sarcastic, fore-shadowing. Top of stairs. EH seems to have RG under his control out of fear, tells RG to take it out and do it or he'll be killed. RG pulls out gun and immediately fires at me a few times, hitting me as I try to run. I must be hit at least 7-8 times. Definitely not going to survive this experience, I start thinking about forgiveness, maybe verbally forgiving RG for doing whatever he was forced to do, since there's no way out for me. Close up shot in the chest - death. I'm seeing it from an outside perspective, body is somewhat decomposed, but cleanly.
Credits roll. Watching the credits, I see option to start again when I'm ready, i.e. next life. I choose other option and wake up.