Wednesday, March 17, 2004

A Bad Show / Middle Eastern Firing Squad / Death Experience

I'm part of some big concert show being put on in this large mansion/school auditorium; kids in audience. It's being badly run by a bunch of teenage girls. I'm up the staircase when I hear through the closed curtain that I might be on next. I ask a girl and she confirms this is likely true. I move out to the stage area...well lit, rug, indoorsy feel. I'm hooking up the pedals, though I hear a guitar loop going before I've plugged in the DOD. There are some problems, the loop stops, the curtain opens, I'm not ready. My strap is in sticky tape tatters, it and myself are scattered with some sort of styrofoam; strap doesn't work. CW and AM come up to try and help me get it together. The audience is smaller than I thought before. I realize DY might have a strap backstage. I turn to look and see that back there, at least two people separately (including BL) are repeatedly replaying some embarassing video footage of me and a mirror having a wardrobe malfunction of a sort rarely seen in the waking state (this happened earlier that day in dream.) I get upset and decide right then to walk off and not play the show.

Soon I'm circling around this giant house gathering up my stuff to leave; it takes a while. Encounter with DY in sunglasses; I bring up incident and he turns viciously quiet. I'm gathering up stuff, they happen to be sharp weapons, feels fortuitous, includes my pocket knife and possibly some garden or kitchen tools.

DY sitting at table. A few scenes overlap here. Something about a long journey up a wall. Something about the assassination of a foreign world leader. I'm leaving the house (though I'm back inside shortly) to see the procession of leader's widow and her entourage - I accidentally don't hold the door for her, sign of disrespect. Some other vision overlaps regarding Israel and Palestine and outbreak of nuclear hostilities. I'm reading the paper, amazed and horrified, having been aware of possibilities but disbelieving people would ever be so insane to do it. I realize if there were time, myself and others would go there to forcibly keep peace.

Somehow this impending catastrophe is connected with the indoor execution by a circular firing squad of a man - who may be me and/or CJ or CK but regardless I'm connected, though watching from outside the circle. I'm hoping somehow, due to impending world war, they'll give condemned man a break. They do not - shots and blood, head comes apart.

My consciousness has few moments left before death, firing squad dissolves. Two secondary entities make themselves known before also dissipating - twirling away leaving behind dull multi-colored shrouds. One is some type of "angel", the other represents the "Muse" or art and music inspiration embodied. I have a few seconds left. I decide not to lay down and give up my soul spirit where the executed man's body is, I want to lay and die where the Muse left her shroud behind - feels right and relatively comforting.

I'm on my back ready to give up the ghost. Eyes darken, I see a strange symbol that resembles two swords hanging with hilts on top, hilts touching. Also resembles two crosses side by side. Intoxication feeling, spinning. Strange swirls and then an incredible feeling of dying. Conviction: "I've been through this before, it always feels like this." Feeling is intense but not painful. Deep memory of past death experiences. Profound experience. I hear music, people singing, I try to remember and sing along but I forget the melody now. The words however, sort of say something similar to "he (meaning me) will not be reborn/awakened until called upon by God." I know this feeling, I have been on this threshold countless times before. I'm not afraid but for some reason I do feel the need to come back to earth reality. I try to wake up, open eyes, feel face, with only a little success. I grow a little more desperate.

I eventually do "wake up" in a new version of the original mansion, which is now partially my parents' house. I go to tell my mother what happened. I sense that the beds have strange energies which caused me to have such an intense dream. I'm amazed my parents haven't been through this. I have to explain mess from concert after-party and tell story of my humiliation on stage. My mother mentions that she might have preferred not to be bothered, and refers to "tatto", which she explains refers to her two days off in a row. It is 1:45 pm in the dream and she is just waking up, which is odd.
(In reality it is about 5am.) Cat (Rogue/Kitty/Catsu) is under headboard.